Whether you are reading Ungrieving alone or discussing the memoir with a group, these questions may help guide your reflection.

Grief

● The author provides various meanings for the title word “ungrieving.” After reading the memoir, what does the word mean to you?

● How does grief influence our relationship with spirituality and religion?

● How does grieving a person who has been emotionally or verbally abusive change the grieving process?

Emotional/Verbal Abuse

● After reading Ungrieving, do you view hurtful words and controlling behaviors differently?

● After a person has been repeatedly exposed to hurtful words and/or controlling behaviors, how might operating from a place of self-protection limit their ability to grow and connect with others?

● Why are we hesitant to label emotional and verbal mistreatment as “abuse”?

Depression/Counseling

● What systems and ways of thinking would have to change to remove any remaining cultural shame attached to depression?

● In your community, in spaces where there is stigma around depression, how does depression show up publicly? (Domestic violence? A culture of alcohol?) What hides depression?

● How can religion play both a positive and a negative role in mental health?

Family

● How do expectations about family and what it “should” be impact our relationships?

● What helps someone decide if they want to reunite with a loved one from whom they are separated?

● How can setting limits and boundaries with loved ones be empowering and healthy?

Parenting

● Where did you learn about what you think of as good or effective parenting?

● Looking back at the different generations in your own family, how has parenting changed?

● What fosters or limits a person’s ability to grow as a parent?

Faith, Doubt, and Religion

● Looking back over your childhood and life, what experiences with religion shaped your spirituality?

● What experiences with spirituality shaped how you view organized religion?

Resources

Suicide Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/Home

National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/