Advice for Our (Inner) Eighth Graders
When I was teaching full time at the University of Wisconsin-Marinette, one of my favorite days each semester was when the local eighth graders would come to campus for a preview day. A lot of research indicates that young people decide whether they are “college material” or not around eighth grade. Since college includes everything from apprenticeships and certificates through doctorates, it turns out pretty much everyone is “college material.” It’s about finding the right fit.
My role for these eighth-grade visit days was to give a ten-minute talk about preparing for college. After a few years, I had a refined message that I loved delivering. In a small classroom with maybe 15-25 students, I could look each of them directly in the eyes at some point and pour into them three important messages.
Recently, I realized that the advice I used to give to eighth graders is advice I want to take in more deeply for myself. It’s advice I suspect is so obvious that we miss it most days.
I used to begin by saying that I have worked with hundreds of college students in my career. I’ve asked these students how the transition to college went and what I could do next time to help them more. I’ve asked them what they did or wished they’d done in high school. From all those conversations and observations, I’ve learned that students are most confident in the transition to college if they focus while in high school on these three daily tasks:
Read something every day. I don’t care what it is except that it can’t be abusive to you or others or intend to cause harm. Read a graphic novel, a short story, a poem, song lyrics, a news article online, a romance, or the back of a cereal box. Try to make it 10 minutes, but 5 will do. Take in words. Think about them. If you don’t know a word, ask someone how to pronounce it or look it up. You will encounter so many words in college and in life, so the more words you know, the more comfortable you are with processing lots of them, the better off you will be. If you can’t find something to read, ask someone who owns books how they found what they like, or go to a local public library and ask for help. Trust me. People who love books love to talk to other people about books. You will make their week.
Reading is the same as playing basketball, a set of skills we must practice and develop over time. If we play basketball, we practice dribbling or shooting every day. Ten minutes a day would help me play basketball better. (For the record, I don’t play basketball regularly or at all well. This is just an analogy. If you want, substitute in playing a musical instrument, learning to fix a car, or anything else that matches your interests and skills.)
Make numbers your friends and know they can be. Research shows that everyone hits a wall in math at some point. Everyone encounters a topic that challenges them. And then too often someone (our parents, our friends, programs we watch, and sometimes even teachers) tells us that we’re divided into two kinds of people: those who can do math and those who can’t. That’s incorrect. You can do math. You may need something explained to you differently than someone else. You may need more time. You may need to be patient with yourself. But you can do it. Sometimes when we hit the wall, the class moved on before we could find a way over it. It’s not too late. Go back to where you lost your sense of certainty, ask for help, and you will, with time and help, get over the wall.
Why should you try? Because numbers aren’t going away. You’ll want to feel comfortable with numbers when you get a mortgage for a house, have your first credit card and need to understand interest, or are at the grocery store and want to make sure you’re buying the package size that has the best price per ounce. You’ll want to feel comfortable with numbers when you hear statistics on the news so you can be a good citizen.
Who can help you? Not just your current math teacher! If a former teacher really helped you, go ask them for help on a tricky concept. If your aunt is an engineer or your neighbor is an accountant, ask if they’ll practice with you. But no matter what anyone says to you or about math, don’t ever stop believing in your ability to make numbers your friends.
Just as with basketball, if we quit when we continually miss shots or just keep doing the same thing over and over again even with bad results, we will never improve.
Build your support network—and join it yourself.
I wish I could look at each of you and say, “Just trust your parents—they love and support you” or “just talk to your teachers—they believe in you,” but the reality is that’s not true for everyone in this room. I have met far too many students who told me that their parents told them they were wasting their time in college because they weren’t smart enough, too many students who told me about a teacher or guidance counselor who told them they weren’t college material. I have had too many college students in my office crying, wondering how they would pay for college because their parents wouldn’t give them the information needed for their financial aid forms because “college isn’t for us.” I am not going to pretend like everyone who wants to go to college, no matter for how long or for what degree or certificate, has a built-in support network.
You need to build yours starting now. Hang on to people who believe in you. That third-grade English teacher who inspired you and made you feel like you could succeed? He wants to help you. Go visit him once a year and tell him, “I need your support to make it through high school and into college.” That neighbor who asks you how school is every week? She wants to encourage you. Tell her when she asks you next, “You asking me that makes me believe in myself more. Please keep asking me.” That coach who says your grades matter? Believe him. Tell him, “I need you to keep telling me that, even when I look like I don’t care, and I want to talk to you when I’m struggling in a class so you can help me figure out what to do next.” That grandmother who says you’re amazing? She means it. She may not have a lot of money, but ask her if she’ll help you start a college fund and put $5 a month in it for you. You knowing that money is there will help you believe in yourself.
And then, as you build and maintain your support network, join it yourself! Believe in you. Trust in your ability to seek help when you need it.
If I go out to the basketball court, walk up to the free throw line, dribble the ball, pause, look up at the hoop, and say to myself “I’m going to miss this shot. It’s going to be epically bad.” then I will likely miss that shot. If you tell yourself, “I’m not good enough. I’m going nowhere. I shouldn’t dare to dream.” you are making things harder for yourself than they need to be. Monitor what you tell yourself. Interrupt negative self-talk. And when you can’t, ask someone else for help in doing so. You deserve to feel good about yourself because you’re amazing.
I always closed by reminding them that part of the reason for the campus visit was that we at the college level want to be on your support network too! Reach out to us with questions as you go forward in high school and beyond. We’re here for you, we believe in you, and we want to see you achieve your dreams and reach your highest potential.
8th Grade Jennifer--Winona Cotter Junior High School
That was my spiel every semester. I gave a version of that message to hundreds of eighth graders, some of whom later became my students!
The longer I worked in education, the more I realized it was good advice for my college students too. It was good advice for my returning adults who had come to see themselves as “not readers” or “not a math person,” or who had spouses or children or parents who were telling them they were wasting their time in college.
Increasingly, I think these three pieces of advice are good for my mom who is 87, my son and his friends who are about to graduate from high school, my neighbors who are not currently in college, my kids’ teachers, and myself.
I need to read something every day to continue to think about words, how I use them, and how they can be used best. I need to read something every day that is not destructive or abusive of me or others. Even if it’s just five minutes. Even if it’s the back of the cereal box. Words are the foundation of our very society and all our relationships. If we can’t spend five minutes a day lingering over them, helping us think differently and understand something deeply, that may lead to challenges we could have avoided.
I need to keep numbers as my friends. I have to continue to double check statistics I hear against my own sense of numbers. What does a 200% increase in something really mean? If I don’t think about the numbers I’m hearing and feel comfortable analyzing them, I run the risk of making personal and social decisions based on “big number=scary” rather than a true understanding.
I need to build and maintain my support network—and I need to continue to support myself. As I age, I need to have people who can help me navigate new emotional and physical challenges. As I try new things (like launching a writing career on the side!), I need to guard against negative internal self-talk. It turns out it doesn’t matter how old we are or what stage of life we’re in—we all need to have a strong support network. And it takes intentional effort at every age to make sure we support ourselves.
I think back to delivering these messages to young people who have since grown up. When I talked about the support network, I could see their pain. I hope they found ways to believe in themselves. Good eighth grade teachers are phenomenal people because it’s a tough year of life, but we forget that eighth graders are people we will one day depend upon to run our society. They deserve our investment. I was always honored to have been given the chance to make a small contribution to that .
I think we also forget that inside of each of us, that eighth grader still exists with their fears and worries and dreams. I have shared with a few people over the years that some days I still feel like the 14-year-old Jennifer, the one who’s not sure, who dreams big dreams, who isn’t sure with whom to share those dreams. Maybe that’s why the same advice I used to give to eighth graders seems to me to be appropriate for me. Maybe all those years I delivered that message to them, I was also speaking to myself.